Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
