Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
