Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
