i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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