Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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