..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
COCAINE IS GR8
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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