he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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