Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
