So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I understand Curling. That high.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
