Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
