So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
