Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
