Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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