She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
