my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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