a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
