So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
