I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
