His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize