apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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