So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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