my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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