i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
