what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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