just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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