How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
