He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
