Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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