half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
