evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
