i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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