Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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