speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Boobs speak an international language.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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