that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
