The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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