she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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