I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
