Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Everything about him screamed your future.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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