She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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