Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
