I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
