i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
