You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
