you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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