You smell like stripper and shame
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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