I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
