I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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