You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
