Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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