I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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