You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Couch. On fire.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
