I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
