Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
