i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
