That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
