Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
