Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
