I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
