There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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