Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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