wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
