she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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