I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
