Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
