First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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