She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
