Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
