i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
