farters have to be the big spoon...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
