We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
