that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Boobs speak an international language.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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