dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
