I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
