He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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