i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
