Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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