he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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