for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
