I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
FUCK WHALES
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
