i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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