Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
