i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
