Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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