Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
