you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
