all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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